Miley Cyrus has the potential to be cute. Not cute like cutesy Hannah Montana, I’ll sing my way into your heart, cute. Just cute. Like, “Oh hey, a cute girl there”.
But that’s only when she’s not doing her “I’m growing up too fast, I’m flailing around for attention, I have Gene Simmons’ tongue and I can lick, lick, lick!” thing.
After twerking her way in the hearts of no one, with a scattered, desperate, unnecessarily raunchy and weird performance on MTV’s VMA awards, she has released a new video in which she appears nude. The music’s not awful and she looks good swinging nekkid (her dad’s word, not mine) on a wrecking ball. This alone wouldn’t be tacky, but she’s still licking up and down things like she just discovered oral and wants the world to know. We know, Miley. We were 20 years old once. We remember. Just put your tongue away when you sing and dance, okay?