Don’t Linger Any Longer on This Dumb Idea

Linger PageLet’s just chalk this stupid idea up to misogynistic stereotypes and male-perpetuated female insecurity, okay?

A new mint called Linger is being marketed toward women. The hitch is this – women are supposed to stuff it in their vaginas.

Yep. Linger is a mint that’s supposed to make your girly bits taste minty fresh… or at least not like pussy. (God forbid!)

Get it? The mint is supposed to make your partners linger longer to give better (and presumably more complete) head.

But this isn’t a “special mint,” in fact it’s a sugary standard-issue trade-show, coffeehouse, give-away mint. (Thanks to Jen Phillips at Mother Jones for the investigative work.)

Let me say this: To get good head, you just need to use your head, not lose $7.99 on a yeast-infection starter kit. Keep yourself healthy. Practice basic hygiene. If you’re not a lesbian and you’re worried about getting more head, consider becoming one. We love natural pussy, naturally, and we’re recruiting. (Okay, not really, but I love saying that!)

I wrote about the reason you don’t want to introduce sugar into your vagina, in last year’s post on lubrication:

On the subject of food, I have to say food makes a lousy lubricant. Honey, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, fruit, and other legendary sex toppings will trigger yeast infections in many (if not most) women. Spread them on each other and lick yourselves silly, but only above the waist, please.

So let me reiterate. Sugar in your vagina is a bad idea. Sugar can  trigger yeast infections and then your vagina won’t smell or taste great (and will burn and itch and make you so crazy you won’t be held liable for anything you do).

A healthy vagina smells and tastes great – in fact it tastes just like a healthy vagina. The taste varies from woman to woman, just like fingerprints and breast shapes.

This is a n0-brainer – please don’t even “linger” for a moment on the idea of pushing a mint up there, down there.

Just say “no”.

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3 responses to “Don’t Linger Any Longer on This Dumb Idea

  1. this is so many kinds of wrong…
    not that i care about it, but now i find myself contemplating the male product. a liquorice to stick up your penis? we’ll call it “lick-a-pin”.

  2. I read that article on the Mother Jones website and cannot believe they can get away with marketing that type of product. Especially when the only warning label they use is one that says “for novelty use only,” as if that would stop some guy from trying it out on his girlfriend. I am beyond disgusted!!! Not just from the mints themselves, but the idea that anyone would think we need such a product.

    • Well, I’m not entirely surprised. “Novelty” has been to describe everything from the fairly innocuous and stupid dick-shaped suckers that are apparently favors at some bachelorette parties to another legendary yeast infection starter kit – edible panties.

      Honestly, I think anything that needs a warning label – including those that contain the words “Surgeon General,” “novelty,” or “may be bigger than they appear,” don’t belong near our most precious parts.

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